Thursday, May 14, 2009
"Johnny, Don't be a Hero"
Or was it "Billy don't be a hero?"
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It might sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you conceive
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me
Up, up, and away, away from me
But it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me
Yeah, inside of me
Inside of me
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy
It's not easy
To be Me
On the 9th of May, I dreamt that the world had turned 67 degrees celcius, and that Nat Seah and Max were decked in hoodies in that weather, it was so hot that they had to use jackets to keep the sun off their skin. haha.
You know i really hate feeling like this. (sophisticaited@bs) usually when i'm so angry and emotional, i hate it when the anger gets the better of me. Then I resort to inflicting (emotional) pain, and hurl my complaints at nice, uncorrupted,happy-go-lucky friends like Tiffanie.
And people who try to help, and usually do a good job, like Cait Choo. And then there are the people i'm trying to encourage, especially Valerie. These are the people I really don't want them to go away. Then there are my classmates, who are just innocent bystanders, nice ones, like Nicole Lau and Cassandra.
And the person who's probably been through enough of this kind of things(with/without me) is kaela, so i know i can tell her basically everything.
This is an "emotion of my own creating".
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (The Message Remix)
"Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership, that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? ...
'I'll live in them, move into them; I'll be their God, and they'll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good.' says God.
'Don't link up with those who will pollute you.' "
Maybe this is the reason why.
Okay, so this is just the usual what-i-did-in-school today.
In the morning, we had student forum, which our class and level refused to participate in. We got kinda goodstuff outta it though. We came up with quite alot of suggestions, while some classes really think the world revolves around them. They like neh think properly
They think we can magically enlarge the school campus by 1000 hectares overnight.
Kayz then we had recess, where i was called a natural disaster. Haha thanks ah Rachel Yee. (: Good joke. Seriously. Hmm general leadership follow up was. uh. moderately okay.
I had a nice, sufficient-length talk with Kaela. Hmm. And we played some games that reminded me very strongly of Sec 1 orientation. Sigh. I'm going to miss this class no matter how much they won't miss me. Then kaela, nicole and i were talking about the class comm.
And realised that as class comm members, we can't please everybody. So much politicks involved, and we still really think last year's comm was the bomb. We weren't clique ish, it wasn't a clique, it was just a bonded committee.
Well its 96103682761387192837981273172893796378126351765786 x better than having a committee who has conflicts with each other and can't get a single thing done, right?
And Gen leadership, games were all been there done that. But the Joe feller really had a point. Too bad I didn't get to hear much, since some people don't even have the courtesy to pay a guy who's trying to make a point some respect. Its like. Humans instinctively think of LOTS of negative stuff, like me for instance, but we want so very badly to be happy.
So maybe the fault lies in me. I think feeling sad is a sin. I mean. God really hates to see his creation suffering like this (ME!) and, i feel bad, letting him feel like that. I love my daddy God.
OOH! CELL NAME. WHAP(We Have A Papa) OR COWS(Christ Our Wonderful Saviour) OR SAD[I like this super cool, but it'd only work for mixed cells or cluster] (Sons And Daughters) ?
I think i had more. I love my cell, they're the only ones who won't judge me. And they're with me through it all, basically because i'm stuck with them, and since church is a place of love, i don't think i'll ever hate them. but its just that they're not ALL in school with me. That's all. Heh.
Anyway, we went back to class after that. There, we worked a lil on tshirts. Then i was writing shirt sizes on the board.
Violet accidentally whapped the board, and cassandra thought it was fun to warp my handwriting, so some how my finger got caught between the two, and it got squashed, my poor pinkie. Hurrrr. Pain ah. Insenstive people around here yknow! Nicole lau and Cass so nice! They care alot for me.
HAHA.It was painful, so i cried. (Unlike heartless people like CHOO okay) And at he same time, it was so funny, the whole thing. SO i was laughing at the same time. SO FUNNY. I scared people. aiyoyo then I think violet couldn't place a word to describe her emotions, cuz she was flipping through a dictionary. Then GIN YIN the sadist lah. laughed and then wrote her name on the board.
THEN CAITLIN CHOO! poke the tissue in my eye lah,and even dabbed it even after it fell on the floor. SO KIND.
Ok i publish now for nicole lau.
---
EMO AGAIN! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING LAST NIGHT? some of it is stupid, but some i still stand by. HAHA. just to let you know, i recorded this in my so called rough book.
Incomplete sentences some of them, but just imagine these words in my scrawly handwriting. Hey its at night, and i'm thinking REALLY fast. And its the notebook without lines.
NOTE THAT THIS WAS BEFORE TODAY. AND I'M SLEEPY SO SOME STUFF I MAY NOT MEAN.
-
Let's ostracize Caitlin, because she's so forgettable,
Let's not include her cuz I think she's got her own stuff to do
Let's not ask her out because I think she already has her own friends.
Yeah, okay I have friends, but lately they've been AWOL, I'm a no-life(yeah gen), except for Sundays. Sundays are great. But school is just...
I just always thought I'd have a surefire plan you know? Then now I realise that I can't really hold on to my friends.
Okay it looks like i have lots of friends.
Perhaps, but how many of them have i actually poured my heart out to? And everyone's just so dao or something la. Right now I just sound so need and pathetic and lonesome and desperate and selfish. But this is written from many points of view.
And i think i deserve the right to feel this way. I'm a wreck, Within myself. True, I love all my friends, but even though I don't like being restricted to ONE froup of friends(which is inevitable btw), I realise you can't clique hop.
Jeez, how do people do this? Look around, do you SEE any mentions of what i do to help them? No. I look independent, I sound confident. But don't you realise these are just coverups because of what i go through,
I haven't really talked good about stuff that matters to someone really long. You're not there for me. *OKAY LAST NIGHT RAMBLING IN MY NOTEBOOK IS SO RANDOM) Everyone's just so involved and included, hell, this sucks big time.
Let me wallow in my self pity because everybody's already busy outside embracing the sunshine.
I know God's there for me, but because of that, I( know this not true, and I don't know what He's doing but) no one is on the same page as I am.
So what, what can I do to be included? Change.
Change me? For You? No, i'm not a chameleon, nor a schezophrenic. ANd no, I can't change for you. Change is bad. I don't like change. Frienemy or what!(Omg what is this), Are you happy now?
yes but in real life I'll just put on my poker face, right?
(G: Yes you toold me it'd be a hard journey, but its just... easier said than done)
God, i refuse to stray from you. Bring me back. And. Do something. Please, Lord.
OOH! I also recorded things to post about that are not realted to my social life(CHEER HOORAY!), but i will post tomorrow. Because i have a feeling tmr will have nothing other than chopping off my hair and piercing my ears. (Sorry Rachyee and Val! I know you love my pigtails, but it'll grow back in 2 months, i promise!)
Oghey.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY QIAN YING. lupschux.
Y Your's Truly3:55 PM
